Why Myspace Sucks

After using Myspace for an extended period of time certain things began to annoy me. Some things have to do with the design of the site while others have to do with its users and the asinine things they do on here. So I went on a mission clicking through friends’ of friends’ of friends’ profiles and making note of the idiotic shit I see. Here’s a not so brief list.


While it’s a great feature, adults and seemingly intelligent people revert into retarded 14 year old girls*. when it comes to this feature, I honestly want to back hand them Ike style every time I log into Myspace.

(A) Chain letters: Nobody gives a damn about chain letters. If you don’t re post a chain letter and something bad does happen to you, it isn’t because you didn’t re post. That’s just life. Oh, and even if you do re post…your mom is still going to die. While I’m at it, Tom is one rich mother fucker. He wipes his ass with 100 bills. Would you shut down a service that provided you with an unlimited supply of toilette paper?

(B) Surveys: To be fair, Surveys are Okay, but only in moderation. To those of you whom post multiple surveys daily, I have news, no one really fuckin’ cares what color shirt your wearing or if you’ve kissed the 3rd person on your top 8….and they definitely don’t want to hear it over and over again, day in and day out. Give it up. if your going to do surveys why not limit them to unique and interesting. Stuff people might actually enjoy reading. I want to know who the hell are the people writing those fucking things?

(C) Auto-posters: The new Auto post bulletins are gay. Your new awesome profile tracker you got and those ‘lol this is so funny Rotmflmao hahaa!!!!11″ titled bulletins are nothing but a viral marketing ploy. If your stupid enough to fall for those more than once then at lease be a sport and go back and delete your sub-sequent auto-posted Bullshit so the rest of us don’t have to see it. If you don’t delete them then your just asking for more advertising spam to clog up your bulletin spaces.

(D) Properness: what makes up a good bulletin. Let’s look at the official meaning of the word first. “Bulletin – 1. A brief report, especially an official statement on a matter of public interest 2. A brief update or summary of current news” yeah, I know, that’s to complicated for you guys. Boils down to: Post something interesting or post some sort of news. Even if it turns out to be ‘not so interesting’ or ‘old news’ to the reader, at least you tried, you’re miles ahead of those other douche bags*1.

2.Profiles: Every ones little corner in cyberspace. How many times do you hear “Check out my Myspace” Sure, No problem, I’d be happy to if it was worth my time.

(A) Content: So you got a Myspace profile and on it you don’t have any fucking info about yourself. Fill the fuckers out. Tom in his infinite wisdom made it easy enough that a monkey could successfully make a Myspace page. I don’t know how many times I’ve been directed to a persons Myspace page and the ‘about me’ and ‘who I’d like to meet’ sections are completely blank. That is the bread and butter of your page and you put nothing there but the link to whatever profile editor you used? morons. even worse than that, some people post a long fucking survey about themselves. What’s the problem, you can’t form paragraphs or do you just think people like reading long lists? Another thing, Adopted Virtua Pets should be put to sleep immediately! That brings me to the who I’d like to meet section, I’m pretty fucking sure it wasn’t meant to be used for celebrities. oh, what’s that? you want to meet Lindsay Lohan and titty fuck her? Well who the fuck doesn’t.

(B)Design: Granted not everyone is a web designer and you do get points for customization but…. The fucking flashing, glittering, dripping, text images needs to go away. Are you deliberately trying to give your visitors a seizure? Transparency sure it’s nice little feature but when it gets to the point when you can’t read or see a god damn thing but the background, you gone to far. The resolution used by most people is 1024X768 If you insist on posting images and videos all over the damn place, fine, but having to side scroll a page is a pain in the ass. Redo you profile or re size your F’ing pictures.

3.Pictures: Wether posted in your pics for all to see or hosted on a server to be used in a comment. everyone has pictures somewhere on their page.

(A) My Pics: First of all, only 12 pic’s? Tom you’re a fucking stingy bastard. WTF, why not give us more. It’s a pain in the ass to remove old pictures with comments because we’ve hit the max. Since it is stuck at 12, try to very your pics up. Whats the point of having all your pics look the same. Put a date on your pictures. We know your really fat now, so instead of trying to pretend your not fat by posting old pictures, Place a date on them. It’s a surefire way to judge how much cottage cheese your legs probably have now. Be yourself. If your Ugly, Fat, Gay, Whore, Disfigured, Bald it’s fine. Be proud of it. Post Images of it. Tell the rest of the world to go fuck themselves if they don’t like your god damned picture. People can see clearly through the fakes anyway, so why try?

(B) Hosts: 3 words. Photobucket.com (yes that’s one word fucker) Fucking Sucks. How many times have you seen the bandwith exceeded picture? Sign up with Flickr.com that shit never happens with images hosted with them and the features are just plain better.

4.Videos: The one thing that bothers me about videos are the people who insist on having multiple auto-play videos on their page. Those same people often have a Myspace audio track on there as well. who can’t watch 3 videos and listen to 4 audio tracks at the same fucking time?

5.Top Friends: 8 to 12 to 16. What the fuck, whats next, a top 100 friends? How many ‘best’ friends can a person fucking have? It should have been a simple ‘top 10’ and god forbid you get taken off the list and replaced by another person. That’s like the new way to bitch slap a mother fucker silly. I’ve seen a girl become Irate because some guy she was banging took her off his top list and I’ve been bitched at by people because they are not on my top list. You people are crazier than I am.

6.Comments: Stop posting the seizure inducing images and pictures that obviously break the page layout, learn how to resize the photos. Videos with audio, see item 4.

7.Cam Whores: This has got to be the funniest thing. Wow, this extremely hot girl wants to be your friend. Says she lives local and she wants you to check out her cool web cam! Sweet, you might get laid. Time to wake up fool, if you fall for all those friend requests, it will ultimately lead to you paying $12.95 and jacking off to some cracked out middle aged whore in Prague via her web cam. I don’t get it, there is plenty of free porn to be found (*cough* purextc.com *cough*) yet they keep popping up. Next time you get one of these, check out the profile and there will be comments like “hey girl, hit me up” “thanks for the add” like she’s doing you a fucking favor by trying to sell you shit. These fucking idiots. I wish it was legal to shoot people.

*Your friends can be referred to as any one of the following (Asshole, Bitch, Cock, Douchebag, Fucker, Idiot, Moron, Loser, Prick, Shithead) provided they retain the right to call you as such in return. This list is not complete. Extra points are given to those who can come up with more entertaining,varied or combined names. IE:’Shitbag Cockbite’

Edit 08/07/2006: The fact that I’m an illiterate high school dropout, drunk at the time of writing, and too lazy to edit this fucking post for two months, might tell you one thing: My readers can be assholes. In short, I fixed some goddamn spelling errors. Thanks for staying till the end, read the comments, you guys left some good gripes I had missed.



  1. Jasline  February 13, 2007

    hahah! sorry about the cuss words, i looked at this and was like, crap! :[ ah well… xD so many immature people yeling at you for stating an opion…isnt there a freedom of speech thang going on? xD

  2. Fantasy Scribbler  February 14, 2007

    I am a YA author who has used myspace extensively for the past two and a half years. I accumulated over 71,000 friends and probably hold the largest author profile on myspace.

    I use myspace, primarily, as a means to contact readers of fantasy and to spread word about a novel I’ve written called Luthiel’s Song.

    For one thing, I am fanatical about responding to fan mail. Unfortunately, as myspace has a hair trigger policy on spam, due my high daily usage, I was flagged and as of this writing no longer have use of my profile.

    I do not use bots. I am not a porn site.

    I promote literacy to students aged 11-17 and I write books.

    In order to save all my hard work and prevent my profile from becoming deleted, I contacted myspace directly. Not only did it take them three days to reply to my first email, the original message I received stated my profile would be usable again immediately with all changes having set within 24 hours.

    24 hours has come and gone but I still do not have access to my profile’s ability to email, request friends, and send comments.

    I contacted myspace once more.

    Their answer to me — ‘wait another 24 hours.’

    All for something I never did in the first place — spam.

    I am of two minds about myspace. On one hand, it is a fantastic platform for networking and gives artists like me an amazing opportunity (or so it seems). On the other, profile deletion occurs very often and the reasons tend to be nothing short of arbitrary. In all, I’d say the relationship between myspace and its clientel is adversarial at best.

    Despite all of this, I happen to need myspace. I sincerely wish there was another site on the internet that provided what myspace does but without the prospect of an axe hanging over my head if I send replies out to my fanmail.


  3. John  February 17, 2007

    No offense, but if an “illiterate high school dropout” could easily spot and figure out that it sucks, I wonder what kind of people is still there… and the amount scares!

  4. Phil  February 18, 2007

    While I do enjoy myspace when people aren’t fucktards, there are definitely plenty of fucktards on it…
    Three of my biggest bitches about myspace are:

    1 – 16 bulletins in one day from one person. I hate this, because there actually are some people who put up a bulletin that has some substance to it, and I have to sort through all of these “doomsday if you don’t repost” bulletins to find them.

    2 – “Doomsday if you don’t repost” bulletins. Come on, people. Even if you think what the bulletin says is cute or clever or whatever, drop off the warning about your dog getting genital warts that some mental patient put on it at some point 2 years ago when it first started going around.

    3 – Web cam whores. This one is particularly annoying to me. For a few reasons.
    One, It annoys me that a 45 year old fat man is dumb enough to actually think some hot ass 17 year old girl actually wants him.
    Two, I’m gay. Whoever these people are who set these up don’t have the sense God gave a rock. You don’t try to market electricity to the Amish, you don’t try to market jockstraps to women, and you sure as hell don’t try to market young hot girls to a gay man. It bothers me that there are people in the world dumb enough to not figure this out. Even from their “evil marketing” point of view, it would be beneficial to exclude gay men from their search – they’d get a much better rate of return, and it’s as simple as not checking the “gay” box on the myspace search.

    To the twats who want bitch about Tom not running MySpace…
    Yes, it is true, MySpace is owned by the Fox people. But, back when you were still potty training, there really was a Tom and he hadn’t sold MySpace for many millions of dollars yet. Believe it or not, the world hasn’t always existed as it does now.
    Since the sale, he probably really is wiping his ass with $100 bills. He’s also probably found some web cam whores with whom to run off to his newly purchased private island. At least thats what I’d do if I were in his shoes. But my web cam whores would obviously be guys…

  5. Phil  February 18, 2007

    Also… I find it ironic that people are on here bitching about his point of view by saying that all you have to do is delete people from your MySpace or ignore them.
    Maybe that could possibly apply in this situation if you disagree with whats been said here?
    Imagine that.

  6. Kris  February 18, 2007

    Thanks for the latest batch of comments. One day a new social site will become king.

  7. Nicole  March 1, 2007

    It is all so true. Great job! Here’s a suggestion- for the next problem, you should add some comments about why people type like this: Yo GuRl WhAt Up ThIs ShYt Is CoOl.

    I fucking hate that shit!

    1. Get Spell check (ignorant ass holes!)
    2. Type correctly. Doing so might make you sound more educated, because people who type like that AND can’t spell have problems!

  8. Happy_Glad  March 2, 2007

    I was introduced to MySpace about three weeks ago. at first I thought it was “cool”. Tonight I deleted that shit. I mean for crying out loud, no one has anything intelligent to say. MWAH, LOL, PMPL. And none of those bastards can spell. Everyone is Angel and my personal favourite, HUNI. WTF??? HUNI, that’s not a word!! I must admit, it was way funny to post the most riciculous website on the planet at first. I went from gay to EMO, to bi, to not sure, mormon to moron, in the space of three weeks. This shit is just not real. It does damage to the intellect. What the hell is a blurb? Why does Tom need 15 billion thousand friends? I deleted him and then BAM, he was back the next day. For all those who consider joining MySpace, if you get a no on any of the options below, you should not join MySpace: –

    1. I am under 15 years old yes/no
    2. My IQ is below 100 yes/no
    3. I am gay yes/no
    4. I collect teddy bears yes/no
    5. I have used LOL, MWAH before yes/no
    6. I believe I can fly yes/no
    7. MySpace is the best place to meet people yes/no
    8. Tom is a real person yes/no
    9. I am interested in meeting stupid people yes/no
    10.I love it when someone sends me a MWAH yes/no

    To everyone who will say, “but you haven’t tried it”, or “you didn’t understand what it was about”. You’re right. I didn’t. I have an IQ. Any longer and I would have become yet another mindless MySpace vegetable. But why am I wasting my time posting this. Because the MySpace mental fucktards will only try and discredit my observations. All I can say is that MySpace insults the intelligence of everyone on it. The only reason people join is to get a boyfriend/get laid/advertise/find victims/try and justify their pathetic existance/knock their ex-boyfriend/friend. Oh and heaven forbid you have a friend on your MySpace that is no longer one of your other friends!! You will suffer the wrath! No one wants to be ignored on MySpace. It’s social suicide. And it sucks the sweat off a dead man’s balls!!!

  9. Bridget  March 13, 2007

    dunno if anyone else pointed this out, as i can’t be fucked to read throught all of that, i’m too drunk for fucks sake, but this is besides the point. the thing that pisses me off most about myspace is the fact that the second you go on someones myspace accound you are instantly blasted with shite music, even though you haven’t pressed play. why? and its always some shit chart pop punk. no-one on myspace ever has good music taste. arghh! myspace pisses me off so much, i totally agree with what you said. anyway, i’m off to find alcohol.

  10. chelsea  May 18, 2007

    I agree man i cant even verify a damn e-mail that it wont send its redicoulos oh well man but you rock

  11. Poopster  June 4, 2007

    OMFG I totally agree with you. Myspace is bulshit, its for people without a life. I do not know how people could spend soo much time on this pile of burned deuch (not sure if I spelled it right :). And all theese lil nOOB ass kids that are getting on it too. If You have a myspace, ypu are better off jumping inside a trashbin and setting yourself on fire along with your fake friends. I have heard many ppl bitchin because of how they are not on your top 8 or 16. OMG who fuckin cares! Visit an example of one of my bulshit ass friend’s myspace that has a shitload of spam like “wanna catch those myspace lurkers? Click here!”.It’s all a big pile of crap and you can never get enough with all those deligtfully interesting emo shit. I had a myspace one year ago and left it almost immediately cuz it sucked. If you wanna have a fun online experience where youre acctually having fun, try XBOX LIVE its not as shitted up as myspace and its fun (Gears Of War) my gamer profile is DEATHBRINGER018 i mostly play gears. LIVE is probably my biggest addiction right now with my longest marathon gaming night lasting until 8AM send me a friend request if you want to get PWNED kkk? Laters and Kris you’re the bomb!!

  12. pOOPSTER  June 4, 2007

    Remember don’t do school, stay in grugs, and always always listen to your grandparents, which will tell you that myspace blows old saggy monkey nutz. Toodles haha gay.

  13. agent euthanasia  June 5, 2007

    I agree on the seizures caused by the constant flashing photos plus most people that even use myspace lie about their age ex: age:21 real age:13-14. adding to that these idiots dont even know how to use html code. Even though I don’t know how to these losers are sooo desperate to have a lame ass myspace they use sites that make the goddamn code…. stupid idiots… BTW nice article

  14. agent euthanasia  June 5, 2007

    if this blog is still running (i hope) id like to say that the three people named EsT3FaNiiA,KaRissA, and michelle need to LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Myspace is an asshole generation the wont last once you myspace nerds turn into fucking hobos for godssakes get

    MYSPACE needs to be hacked and destroyed! Oh yeah, EsT3FaNiiA whoever the hell you are this an ANTI myspace blog, don’t even of sticking up for your lame ass corporation.

  15. nOOBSTER  June 8, 2007

    If you have Xbox live send me a friend request to DEATHBRINGER018 oh yea, and MYSPACE SUCKS. God kills a kitten for every myspace profile created please think about those kitties!! >_

  16. Tania  June 9, 2007

    Ah, this made my night. I will admit to having a MySpaz, it does have its uses, but most of what you said I agree with completely.

  17. nOOBSTER  June 10, 2007

    Myspace sucks poll y for yes and n for no post it.

  18. chrissy  June 12, 2007

    wow i read it all. and i Dont like reading. good job

  19. Claus  June 14, 2007

    You’re so true man. I’m a passionate Myspace Hatr since I first saw it.
    You got yourself a new fan.

  20. Robert Eilers  August 28, 2007

    MySpace totally sucks. That’s why I went on the hunt to find something better and I did. Check out the web site link to see what it is.

    So much better than My Space.

  21. Sharon Sharp  September 2, 2007

    After having my computer freeze up twice in one day while on myspace, I went to Yahoo and just typed in “this fucking sucks” and to my surprise I found you. It made my fucking day. Thanks for the fun!

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  23. Corinne  November 12, 2007

    oi vay…you are SO right! I joined and deleted and joined again…for the same person who wanted me to yak with her. LOL…the place is a fucking joke for losers. I was mildly amused for awhile. While I am a rabid rock fan, I prefer to yak in person or on the phone with my REAL friends.

  24. carie  November 22, 2007

    That was sooo fking funny i nearly pissed myself,got myspace sussed right out!but im still staying on p.s myspace.com/cariethe gr8
    I have filled out the about me,who i’d like to meet sections!ha ha….

  25. Shit bricks  December 6, 2007

    I like it how people talk shit about myspace on
    here then half of them have accounts on the shit.
    Make up your mind you cockstanks.

  26. Kris  December 6, 2007

    cockstanks… good one.

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  28. Chad  March 8, 2008

    I won’t lie, I too use myspace, but I also enjoy my time on Yuwie as well. Yuwie is filled with a great team of people and the founder of it all actually listens to what we have to say; and takes it into consideration. Thats more than I can say about most sites who tend to completely ignore their users once they’ve gained ground in the market and are earning a healthy living.

    Unlike many other sites Yuwie is taking a twist on social networking and actually sharing a part of its advertising revenue with its users. Sure its pennies at first, but its new and only has a little over 500,000 members compared to the 200 million of Myspace. Besides, its more than you’ll ever see at Myspace or Facebook, for having fun on the internet.

    Give Yuwie a shot, you might be surprised to find that its not all that different than Myspace, except what I find to be a much more mature and family oriented audience.

    Yuwie pays by Paypal or check, $5 cashout for Paypal and $25 for a check, and who doesn’t use Paypal nowadays?

    Join Yuwie!

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