So I’m sitting in my computer chair, just relaxing and drinking a miller ‘chill’ (piss water with lime. And before you wonder if these are good. No they suck. Don’t buy them.) when I hear my bedroom door open and then slam upstairs. I hear my wife stomp down the steps. Just by her walk, i can tell she’s pissed about something. But that’s pretty much a daily occurrence so i don’t even bother to look up and ask her if she’s alright.
She stomps across the living room, and stops directly behind my chair. I see that she’s on the phone. “What?” I say.
Robin says in the phone, “Hold on 1 second.”
Must be for me.
Quick side note: I just got a new phone when i switched to ATT so i let her keep the old phone and old number. So every now and then people still call that number looking for me.
Then totally unexpected I hear…..
“WHO THE HELL IS KENDRA?!” She screamed.
She thrusts the phone in my face. I nearly fall out of my chair due to the sheer force of her scream. Lucky for me, I am used to these sneak attack woman rage screams, so I managed to recover. If you’re married I’m sure you guy’s know what I’m talking about.
Shit, I think, Who is Kendra? I quickly rack my brain trying to think who this mystery caller is. “Well, uhhh” I say to Robin, my wife, ” I don’t know. Is her number saved in the phone?”
The way she’s looking at me and the tone she used when she said, “No, She isn’t, so who the hell is she?” made me feel guilty. It’s the same look and tone the cops give the criminals in the interrogation rooms. Sorta like, ‘You’re busted bitch. I know it and YOU know it, so fess up.’
But seriously, I could not think of who this person could be. Was it someone I used to know? God it sucks when you meet an old friend and can’t remember them. Maybe I got so drunk I accidentally stuck up a conversation with some super hot super model in a bar, she fell madly in love with me, and I gave her my number before stumbling home (alone), passing out, never to remember her again?
Shit. I could be in some serious trouble here. Robin was still giving me the look of death, holding out the phone. I could see that she was ready to blow any minute. Not good.
Now at this point, she had only been holding the phone out to me for maybe 3 seconds. I couldn’t stall any longer. I grabbed the phone, gave my wife one last, ‘don’t kill me’ look, and said…
“Hey!” The girl said.
“Hi, um, who’s this?” I asked.
She paused. “It’s Kendra.” She said it in a tone like I should know who she was.
“I’m sorry, Kendra who?”
“Her roommate.” She emphasized ‘Her’. Shit there are two of ’em. Oh god, what did I do?
Robin is ready to strike.
“Um, who’s roommate?” I ask, not sure I want to know the answer.
“Is Chris there?”
“Yeah,” I say “I just don’t know if I remember you.”
Frustrated, she said, “THIS IS KENDRA! HER ROOMMATE, Is Chris there. Can I speak to her please?”
Her? Fuck. It hit me. I looked at robin and her deathly stare. I shook my head and said into the phone. “Oh, I’m sorry, you got the wrong number. My name’s Kris.”
“Shoot,” she said, “sorry.” And hung up.
I tossed the phone back to Robin. “Wrong number.”
“You almost died,” she said.
She turned around and went back up stairs and I had a moment to reflect on my near death experience.Share