Verizon Sucks and my wife tried to kill me.

So there I was. upstairs in the computer room. Relaxing, playing a lil’ bit of poker online. I remember it like it was just 4 days ago… the date was Apr. 1 2006……….4 days ago.

The unthinkable happened. my Verizon Internet connection dropped out right in the middle of a tournament. “Oh no” I exclaimed! “if the connection doesn’t come back, then my entry fee shall become forfeit!”

I call Verizon and bitch at them for incompetence, yet they claim it isn’t their fault and thus must be mine. I was in the middle of telling them that they can stick their shitty service up their ass and I’ll switch to comcast, when i heard someone calling my name from downstairs. it was my wife.


i ignored her yelling my name as i ofter do. I was still yelling at the Verizon guy to fix my connection.


what the hell!, i thought, I’m on the damn phone. she can wait a second.

“Kriiisss!!, the house is on fire.HELLP!!!!!!!!!!”
it took a second for that to register. then oh fuck, the house is on fire. I jump out of my chair. heart racing. i begin to run down the stairs but Verizon was on the phone still and you know how shitty it is to try and get back to a live person…
so i said “SHIT, my house is on fire…hold on!” and put the phone down to run down stairs.

“get Aaron out of the house! call the fire department!” i had yet to make it to the kitchen where she was calling me. shit, can’t call the fire department..Verizon’s still on the phone and was about to run upstairs again to hang it up.

yet something was odd. i saw no smoke. I saw no fire. nothing to indicate there was burning?

“what the fuck!” i scream at my wife. “what fire?! you almost gave me a heart attack”

she claims she had put it out. and i ignored her and ran back upstairs and grabbed the phone. I told the guy he was off the hook because I’m more pissed at my wife now then at him and Verizon and slammed down the phone. the bastard didn’t even ask me if the house was still on fire.

I believe i fell for an April fools joke but my wife maintains that the stove was on fire. evil, evil, woman.



  1. SANDI  May 12, 2009

    I got slammed by Verizon for over $60.00! And, I don’t even have an account with them!

    Take it easy on your wife . . . she’s probably had to deal with those idiots as well!


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