The Reason I Fired My Secretary


FADE IN:

SCENE #1
INT. BEDROOM – MORNING

We hear an alarm go off and a man groans from under the blankets. He reaches out quickly swatting wildly at the night stand, trying to silence the alarm. He manages to finally hit the right button only after knocking over his lamp.

STEVE
uuuhg?!

He pulls the blankets off his head, groans and rubs his eyes then looks at the alarm clock. The time: 06:45

STEVE (V.O.)
Two weeks ago was my thirty-fifth birthday, and I wasn’t feeling too hot that morning anyway as you can tell.

The Man takes a deep breath. Picks up the fallen lamp and places it back on the nightstand. He looks at the clock again and pulls the blankets back over his head.

STEVE (V.O.)
Yup that’s me on my birthday. The plan was to skip work and sleep in.

The alarm clock goes off again. Light fills the room as the bedroom door is opened. A woman peaks her head into the room

Jennifer
Get the hell up and come downstairs. Breakfast is almost done.

STEVE (V.O.)
So much for the plan.

STEVE pulls the covers off his head again and sits up. Firmly he shuts off the alarm. He just sits there with a blank stare looking at his wife.

JENNIFER
Steve?

STEVE
Uh?

JENNIFER
Take a shower and come down stairs

STEVE Nods his head repeatedly, letting JENNIFER know he understands.

STEVE
Uh-huh

JENNIFER gives STEVE a shameful look and walks back out of the room.

STEVE (V.O.)
Only if I stayed in bed that morning. (Pause) I never would have had to fire my secretary.

ROLL TITLE AND OPENING CREDITS

SCENE #2
INT. KITCHEN – MORNING

STEVE makes his way down the stairs wearing a white tee shirt and slacks. His hair is wet. Apparently just out of the shower. STEVE pours a cup of coffee for himself and has a seat at the kitchen table while JENNIFER is running back and forth doing preparing lunches.

STEVE
Morning dear.

STEVE (V.O.)
When I went down for breakfast I thought my wife would tell me “Happy Birthday”. Maybe even have a small gift waiting for me.

JENNIFER tosses the contents of the lunches in to paper bags.

JENNIFER
Jack. Sara. Come down and eat before you’re late for the bus again

STEVE (V.O.)
I Didn’t even get a “Good Morning”.

The Kids JACK age 12 and SARA age 9 come running down the steps into the kitchen. Arguing back and forth. The sound of their banter is drowned out as we focus back on STEVE.

STEVE (V.O.)
My wife forgot my birthday. Typical. There was still hope. I was thinking the kids would remember and wish me a “happy Birthday”.

JACK and SARA both down a glass of O.J. at the same time and get up grab their book bags and lunches off the counter and head for the door.

JACK/SARA
Bye Mom!

JACK and SARA slam the door as they leave for school

STEVE (V.O.)
Not a single word. That figures. It’s just another day, I thought. I’ll just go about my daily business. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t help to feel let down.

STEVE Stands up slips on a blue button down shirt and grabs his car keys.

STEVE
Well I guess I’ll head into the office for awhile.

STEVE walks over to his wife and kisses her on the cheek and heads for the door. He pauses for a second when JENNIFER calls back to him.

JENNIFER
Oh Steve. Pick up some milk on your way home.

STEVE (V.O.)
For a split second I thought she remembered.

STEVE nods, Disappointed, and slams the door on his way out.

SCENE #3
INT. STEVES OFFICE LOBBY – MORNING

The door opens into the reception lounge of a small office. STEVE walks through the door. A beautiful woman sat at the counter.

STEVE (V.O.)
When I started to the office that morning I was feeling pretty low and despondent. But Things changed as I walked into my office. My secretary greeted me with a huge smile said:

CINDY
Good morning boss, Happy Birthday.

STEVE (V.O.)
At least someone remembered

STEVE gave CINDY a wide smile in return.

STEVE
Thank you Cindy, I was thought everyone had forgotten.

CINDY
I wouldn’t forget your birthday Steve. How could you even think something like that?

STEVE
Ah it’s not important. But thank you for remembering. I got some work to do so hold my calls for me please.

CINDY gives STEVE a subtly provocative look and licks her lips slightly.

CINDY
Any thing you say boss.

STEVE (V.O.)
There was something different about Cindy today. I couldn’t put my finger on it but she seemed to be…flirting with me. My day was picking up.

STEVE nods and walks into his back office. CINDY follows him with her eyes, a sexy smile on her face, even peeks around the corner to watch him enter and shut his office door.

SCENE #4
INT. STEVES OFFICE – NOON

FADE IN on the wall clock. The time was 8:30 and the hands morph until the clock reads 12:00

STEVE (V.O.)
I worked until noon. I had completely blocked the morning out of my mind and was heavily focused on getting some papers written out. Next thing I knew Cindy was knocking on my door.

We Hear a knock on the door. CINDY opens and peaks in and looks at STEVE with great interest. STEVE is aware of the way CINDY seems to be looking at him and seem uncomfortable.

STEVE
Uh, Cindy? Everything all right?

CINDY
You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside and it’s your birthday, I though we could go to lunch, just you and me.

STEVE (V.O.)
The way she looked at me. Was she just being nice or was it something more. What choice did I have? I couldn’t just turn this girl down.

STEVE runs his hands through his hair and pretends like he is thinking about it. He appears to way his options. CINDY walks up to STEVE’S desk and leans over reviling some cleavage.

CINDY
Aw Come on. It will be fun

STEVE’S eyes widen as CINDY leans over.

STEVE
Yeah, you know what Cindy? After careful consideration that sounds like a damn good idea.

CINDY laughs at that. CINDY then grabs his hand and leads him up from his chair and out of the office.

STEVE (V.O)
It’s just lunch. No harm in that, Right?

SCENE #5
EXT. HIGHWAY – LATE NOON
CINDY was driving the car. STEVE was in the passenger seat.

STEVE (V.O)
So we went to lunch. She drove us out into the country to a little private place. We had a few martinis and enjoyed the quite meal. Now we were heading back to the office. I remember feeling a tiny bit guilty and was planning to finish up work and go straight home. Shit, I almost forgot about the milk.

CINDY kept glancing at STEVE in the same provocative way.

CINDY
Hey Boss.

STEVE
Yeah?

CINDY put her hand on STEVE’S thigh gave it a little squeeze and then put her hand back on the wheel.

CINDY
You know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?

STEVE
No, I guess not. What did you have in mind?

STEVE (V.O)
My heart just got jammed in my throat.
I already knew what she was going to say next.

CINDY put her hand back on STEVE’S thigh.

CINDY
Why don’t we go to my apartment?

STEVE
Sounds good to me.

STEVE can’t help but to smile Look’s like he’s in for one hell of a birthday present.

STEVE (V.O)
My birthday started out bad. Now I was about to get one hell of a present. I remember thinking how much of a lucky bastard I was.

CINDY smiles again and accelerates the car and the camera fades out.

SCENE #6
INT. CINDYS APARTMENT – LATE AFTERNOON

The Door to CINDY’S Apartment swings open and CINDY and STEVE walk in the door.

CINDY
Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable.

STEVE (V.O)
Oh Yeah. I’m one lucky guy

STEVE was very excited and was taking off his jacket. He tossed it onto the chair.

STEVE (V.O)
Sure. I’ll wait here.

CINDY
I’ll be right back.

CINDY walks very slowly and sexily back toward her bedroom. She gives STEVE one last knowing smile before entering the room and shutting the door. The camera stays focused on the closed door.

STEVE (V.O)
She went into the bedroom I’m not sure exactly how long, maybe about five or six minutes.

CINDY’S bedroom door opens and we see her walk out of the room holding a birthday cake. As soon as the door begins to open, the camera begins to pull back, adding more of the living room into the shot. It continues to pull back thought the rest of the scene. CINDY begins to sing happy birthday.

STEVE (V.O)
I was in shock. She had a cake. But that wasn’t all.

CINDY continues to sing happy birthday. We see shadows of other people in the dark bedroom and we start to hear other voices start to sing along with CINDY. The whole while the camera is still pulling back and we start to see STEVE’S shadow on the floor

STEVE (V.O)
More people where here. My wife, Children and dozens of our good friends.

Everyone is out of the bedroom and singing happy birthday loudly. Then the singing abruptly stops and shock registers on peoples faces. All the while the camera is still pulling back and we start to barely see the outline of STEVE standing in the living room.

STEVE (V.O)
What a wonderful surprise party CINDY threw for me. I didn’t know what to say.
The Camera cuts to a close up of JENNIFER and she has got the most angery look on her face.

STEVE (V.O)
Everyone stopped singing. All I could do was stand there…

The Camera cuts back to the full room shot from the previous pull back but now we are at a mid level angle from behind STEVE looking at all his friends and family who are in focus and STEVE is not.

STEVE (V.O)
Butt…Ass…Naked

The Camera switches focus to the foreground where we see STEVE’S big bare ass.

STEVE (V.O)
That’s the reason why I fired my secretary

MUSIC AND CREDITS.

1

Comments

  1. Phil  May 17, 2006

    Can’t wait for this one, its gonna be hilarious lol.

    reply

Add a Comment