Thinking of nothing at all is impossible. So instead I choose to speak my mind for anyone who cares to listen. I want to cover it up and pretend. But the truth is written on my face. Everyone can tell. Everyone knows. And everyone asks. Except the person I really wanted to.

I feel like a dying man on life support. Unwilling to let go but ultra aware the plug can be pulled any time. As crazy as it sounds I also feel like a doctor trying to revive the heart of a women let down. Breath. Damn it, breath.

I curse the past because it can't be changed. I curse the present because I'm reminded of the past. I curse the future because it isn't coming soon enough. We are not the people we were yesterday. As I'm writing this I know that it will be my last act. Some one new will own this body tomorrow. My only purpose is to be remembered. Try not to forget that.

I appreciate the sympathy and good wishes from the few I know are true friends but it hurts hearing things such as 'no matter what happens' when only one outcome will do. I had everything I care about right in front of me. When i lost it is when I saw how much I took for granted. I hate myself for that more than anyone else ever will.

Asking for forgiveness and not being forgiven or offering love and being told it isn't enough. I don't know which is worse. I'm told that I should let it be and maybe it will come back. But that just sounds like a gauge to see when I'm willing to give up.

I live not knowing how to make this right. I deserve it all. Every bit of it. But no matter how alone I am, I refuse to believe this is a lost cause. I know it will be over when, and only when, the last remaining ember of love that is inside you, burns out. If that ever happens I quietly walk away.

Have I said too much?

I'm sitting here still trying not to think.
Sub-consciously I've been spinning a ring around my finger.
White gold band with an inscription inside. Three words and a date.
I love you 3-14-02

I am now a mac guy. I haven't wrote up a review yet, but I wanted to show off one of the OS X Apps, Photo Booth. Photo Booth is included on the Mac models that have a built in camera. Basically it can be used to snap a quick photo for email, or whatever. But it includes some neat little video effects you can apply to your picture before you take it. You get a nice live view of what the image is going to look like so you can get some pretty interesting poses.

Aaron was more than happy to show off this little demo. Here are a few of the Photo Booth Images we snapped.

Sepia Color
(more...)

Looks like aaron is my new Co-blogger.

No, my son is not really santa clause. sorry if you got your hopes up. we were playing with the video effects on the logitect orbit MP cam.

well enough of me, here's aaron: