Revenge of the fat.

Revenge of the fat: The Second part in the ‘Fat’ series.

Read part one, ‘are you fat?’

Not so long ago, in this damn galaxy (not a far far away galaxy, nobody cares about far away galaxies anyway) there was a man. Nothing remarkably special about him…Just a man. At one point in his life he was a sexy bitch and all the girls wanted him. No, really, stop laughing damn it, they did. It did not last, the evil calorie forces had set out to weigh the man down. (pun intended)

This man got involved in an epic war fighting the Fat! The battles raged on and the man forced the fat back, their lines (waist, that is) steadily retreating. The casualties were many, snack’s, soda, fast food, were abandoned by the man and left to rot.

The scale of justice tipped in the mans favor, predicting the victory. The war was all but won and the man rejoiced. He could have not foreseen the treachery of his own kind. For it was the man’s family and friends who invited defeat into his house.

The first sign of trouble came one night as the man’s door bell rang. His wife had answered the door, yet nobody entered, they simply ‘delivered’ the fatal package. The smell came next. It was unbearable. His wife called him. He tried his hardest to resist. And then finally….

“Fuck. That pizza smells good. No, that pizza smells fucking great!”

-Just one slice wont hurt you –
-don’t do it!-
-come on it’s just some pizza you can run tomarrow and work it off-
-if you eat that…there’s no going back.. is that what you want? to be fat?!-

The inner turmoil. The man now had to battle the demons in his head. The forces of fat had pulled off a massive sneak attack, the likes of which has not been seen sense the last pizza guy came over. He was doomed.

From upstairs he yelled down to his wife.

“Hun! cut me a few slices of that pizza!”

‘you sure!’

“yeah….and, uh, a beer… grab me a beer too!”

-yeah that’s it babe beer and pizza-
-you know you fucked up now right?-
-hey tomorrow you should stop and grab some MCgriddles from McDonalds for breakfast in the morning, that sounds good doesn’t it?-
-you’re fucked-

And fucked he was. Countless beers, pizzas, burgers, candy bar’s later. (5 months) The man is as fat as he ever was.

He’s assessed the damage. He knows the odds are not in his favor but he’s ready to fight again. As we speak he is plotting his next move…in the battle of the fat.

8

Comments

  1. Jess  October 20, 2006

    I will battle the fat with you! if only we were rich and could just eat sushi every day…damnit lol 😉

    reply
  2. Robin  October 20, 2006

    I’m telling you hun, go on the Special K diet. And you gotta use the skim milk or it won’t work. And btw, Pizza is ok if you just eat one slice and leave out the beer. Not like fatty Ben & Jerry’s ice cream that you kept trying to feed me when i was on my diet.

    reply
  3. Adryon  October 20, 2006

    Oh Kris, you’re a beautiful butterfly.

    reply
  4. Joe  October 20, 2006

    Dieting is for women

    reply
  5. Lee  October 21, 2006

    Oh man I hear that! My first year out of high school – beer and pizza – been struggling ever since!

    reply
  6. Chris  October 24, 2006

    Better cut that down, pal

    reply
  7. Chad Gramling  October 28, 2006

    Hello. Great site. I have added you to my blogroll. It should show up on your incoming links by now – I added it several days ago.

    reply

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