“Doc,” Josh said, “I think I’m ready to get out of here.” He was in the office of the new head doctor of Spring Grove, pleading his case. His wife Michelle mistakenly had him committed to a mental institution when she came home one day and found that he had moved their living room into the front lawn. She thought he was on drugs, but as it turned out, he had just misplaced a very important piece of paper worth millions and millions of dollars.
I’m sure that kind of thing happens all the time.
“I’m not so sure about that Joshua. It seems you’re still showing signs of delusions. This is based on your, er…” The Doctor quickly search his desk, scattering papers on the the floor. He picked up a clip board. “Ah, here we are,” The doc said, “Your, er…, err..”
“Chart?” Josh asked.
“Yes! Chart!” The doctor said, It is clear to me, looking at this, that you are obviously not ready to return back to society.”
“Doc?” Josh asked.
“You’ve got the clip board upside-down.”
The doctor paused for a moment, then he turning the clipboard right-side up, paused a moment longer and, choosing his words carefully he said, “That’s great Joshua, I was testing you!”
“Testing me, doc?”
“Yes! You are well aware of your surroundings! …Which is a good thing.”
“So, you’re going to let me out then?” Josh asked, excited.
With a huge smile, the Doc happily said, “No way!”
Josh sighed. He looked at the calender on the Doc’s desk. He said, sadly, “I’ve been here 6 months now.”
“Wow, really? Gosh that’s a long time. I’ve been here 6 hours!”
It was true, The Doctor that Josh was talking to was new to the Institution and had just begin work 6 hours ago.
“You just started?” Josh Asked.
“Yep” The Doc said.
“I just want to go home, Can you tell me when that might be?”
“uh… uh… oh yes, I’m not so sure about that Joshua. It seems you’re still showing signs of delusions.” The doc said.
“You already said that doc.” Josh said, confused.
This is based on your, er…”
“Chart” Josh Said.
“I think I want to go back to my room now.”
“Ah, don’t be so bland Joshua, your wife is here to see you. Some of the nice men in the white coats will escort you to the visiting room! I do hope that this gig works out for me and we can have a chat again. Good day!”
Two big men walked in and picked Josh out of the chair and started to walk him out of the room. “Just a sec, Bruno and Clevis” He said to the orderlies. They stopped and one of them said to Josh, “It’s Mike and Tobias, Mr. Harris, stop calling us Bruno and Clevis, we’re people too and we have feelings.”
“Sure, whatever,” he said, not really paying attention, “Doc, do I know you from somewhere?”
“Nope, I don’t think so,” the doc said.
“I’m pretty sure I do,” he said, trying to remember where he may have met the doctor before.
“Your wife is waiting. Bruno, Clevis, take him to the visiting room now,” The doc ordered.
Both orderlies, looked at each other, sighed, then picked up Josh and drug him to the waiting room to see his wife Michelle.
“Blah Blah Blah Blah?” Josh asked the lady sitting at the table across from his, to the right. He was in the waiting room, Michelle hadn’t arrived yet. The lady had not heard him so he said it again louder this time, “BLAH. BLAH. BLAH-BLAH!?” She looked at Josh, smiled and laughed, and then waved her finger at him and made a reply, only it was something so utterly incoherent that I can’t even type it. “Good one, Brook!” Josh said, and they both laughed together.
Brook was one of the patients, she didn’t speak English in the traditional sense, instead she just babbled. Earning her the nick name ‘babbling brook’. It was this same person whom Michelle was talking about to a co-worker on the phone one day, that initially gave Josh the impression, babbling brook, was where Michelle worked. But after 6 months of being in Spring Grove, he still had not figured that out.
It took Josh, less than 20 minutes to understand Brook’s language and figured out a successful way of communicating with her. Using a combination of of three sounds. “Blah” “Goo” and “Err-Duh.” You might think this was an amazing achievement, considering what you have already learned about Josh, but to be honest, Josh only pretended to understand Brook and basically made up what he thought she was saying.
On the other hand, Brook, who had tested at a genius level on written I.Q. tests, she only played along when Josh ‘Spoke’ to her. Why? Because she thought he was retarded.
Looking across to the table to the left, Josh saw the second friend he had made at Spring Grove. “Hey Ted, how’s the case of Herpes!”
“I Never got the Herpes, but I am infected with the Teddies right now.” He said.
“That’s great. Good luck with the treatments.”
“Thanks Josh! Any luck finding the Multi-million dollar ticket?” Ted asked.
“Not yet,” Josh said, and leaned forward to whisper, “I can only look after lights out, otherwise the doctor will never let me out.”
“Hey, Listen,” Ted whispered back, “while you’re looking for that ticket… if you happen to come by someone with herpes, send em to my room.”
“I’ll do that.”
Theodore Redmond Jr. was cast to be an actor in series of commercials selling a product that helped people with Herpes prevent from spreading the disease. For some reason he thought that he should contract the disease in order play the role better. He launched a national campaign looking for someone to infect him. After all was said in done, he had caught Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and several other curable Sexually Transmitted Diseases, including one that doctors have not seen before and named it, ‘the teddies’ after him. Unfortunately, the product he was supposed to promote seemed to work, so he never managed to catch herpes. Feeling like he could not give a good performance, lost the acting job to another guy. Ironic, no?
Ted’s agent, fearing that he had gone bat-shit crazy, had him put in Spring Grove, but Lucky for Ted, his Agent had noticed the Irony and supposedly was trying to get a film project on Ted’s life Green lit by the studios. The last thing, Ted’s agent said to him was, ” I’ve got the perfect project for you. Just hold tight, and I come visit soon.” So everyday Ted sat in the waiting room, waiting on an agent that never showed up. The Agent never showed up because he had only told Ted that the studios might be interested in his story, so that he would have something to look forward to while being in the mental institution.
Oh-well, that movie would have sucked anyway.
Josh was about to talk to some more of his mentally ill friends, but it was then that Michelle walked into the room. He had not seen her in 6 months. She had a huge smile as she strolled over to his table and took a seat.
“Honey!” She said excited, “I’ve got great news for you.”
Josh jumped up, and screamed “I’m getting out of here?!”
“No, silly, I just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to…. “
I’ll just stop here for now. That joke was so old, a cave man could have told it.Share