Manager Dan, and the rest of the people at the office heard someone scream “HELLO?!” from the bathroom. Everyone ignored the loud greeting, but a moment later they heard the same person quickly scream out the following: “NOOOOO! COME ON! I’M TELLING THE TRUTH! PLEASE WAIT! LISTEN TO ME! PLEASE! DON’T HANG…. “AHHHHHHHHHH-SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”
All the office workers shifted their gaze back and forth between the bathroom door and Dan the manager. They had looks of disgust on their faces. Finally Dan shrugged, and said, “He must have eaten some bad Chinese food or something. Who wants to go see if he needs some T.P?” Everyone quickly went back to work at that thought.
You see, Josh wasn’t having a severe case of diarrhea, no, his problems were much worse. He has just found out that he had purchased a winning lottery ticket, but seemed to have lost it. In desperation he dialed information and asked for the number to the office of the lottery.
The first scream everyone heard was Josh mistaking a recording for a live operator, after pressing, 0 twice, followed by 1, followed by 5, followed by 3, followed by 0 again, he was passed onto a person.
“Lotto Dept. How may I help you.” the operator said.
“yeah, hi. I’m Josh Harris. I purchased a ticket the other day, I didn’t know it but it turns out I won. I won the big one, the mega millions. So, I’m the guy you’re looking for, so I needed to know what to do to get my money? Can you help me with that?”
As if reading off of a script, the operator said, “I would be happy to help you with that sir. Congratulations and Thanks for playing the lottery, if you could read me the 24 digit verification code that is found on the back of the…”
“Wait,” Josh said.
“Sir?” The operator said.
“The problem is… I can’t find the ticket. I think I lost it.”
“So you’re saying you won the big jackpot, and lost the ticket?”
“And you want me to somehow magically get the state to pay out this large sum of money to you, taking just your word, that you are the winner?”
The operator paused for a long time. Then he blurted out, “Thanks for wasting my time buddy, I’m now required to read this long ass paragraph informing you that you’re shit out of luck, and not to call back. Ready? Good. Here we go.” He quickly read off the ‘official no ticket policy’, as Josh screamed “NOOOOO! COME ON! I’M TELLING THE TRUTH! PLEASE WAIT! LISTEN TO ME! PLEASE! DON’T HANG…. “AHHHHHHHHHH-SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”
Josh ran out of the bathroom, around a corner, running into manager Dan, knocking him over. Not even bothering to stop, he yelled, “Sorry Dan, Gotta go!” and ran out the buildings front door. Dan called after him, “When ya gotta go, you gotta go.”
When Michelle came home, the first thing she noticed was the couch sitting in the front yard, and Josh franticly throwing items out of the front door.
“JOSH!” Michelle screamed. He stopped, and stood up, “Hi Shelly,” then went back to throwing things out into the front yard. “Josh!” She screamed again, “What the hell are you doing? Are you mad?!”
“Ya,” He said, ” I’m pretty Pissed off!”
“Damn it, Josh,” She said, “Why is my couch sitting in the front yard?!”
“Shelly, I was going to come home and tell you to pack your bags because I just won the lottery. You was supposed to be super-excited, and say, ‘should I pack for the sun or the snow?’ and I was going to say, It don’t matter just pack your bags and get the hell out! Hahahahaha,” He said.
“Do I look like I’m in the mood for your jokes Josh?! What the hell is going on!” By now she was pretty pissed off herself.
“Hahahaha!” He yelled, “It’s got to be here somewhere!”
“Fine, I give up.” She said, “I’m going to go take a bath, I expect you to have my house put back together in 1 hour or I swear to god I’m going to have someone come get you.”
“Just wait! I’ll show you, I know it’s here somewhere!” He said, while carrying out the love seat.”
Michelle sighed, “Whatever.”
An hour later Michelle spied out the window, Josh was still carrying items outside and tearing them apart. She had to do something, the neighbors were watching and she didn’t want to be the laughing stock of the street.
She went to the phone and dialed in a number. “Hi Karen,” Michelle said, “Not doing so good. You? Well I think my husband has taken some kind of narcotic. Yeah. Yep, he looks high as a kite. No, I didn’t know he used drugs. You can? That’s great, thanks Karen. Yeah, one night should do it. Can you send em now? Thanks again, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye.”
She went downstairs and sat on the steps as Josh ran in and out of the house. Each time carrying out a new item and inspecting it, tossing it aside and going back in the house for something else.
“Josh,” She said calmly, “What exactly are you on?”
“On?” He said, as he dug through the soil of a potted plant.
“Obviously you are high on drugs. Acid? Mushrooms?”
“I’m not high! You’ll see, just wait.” He said.
“Sorry Josh,” She said as she watched a white van pull up to the house. “Remember that vacation you were talking about earlier? I think it’s time for you to take a little vacation.”
“Yeah, as soon as I find it!” He said, not noticing the two extremely huge men wearing all white clothing came up behind Him.
“Find what, Josh?!”
The two men grabbed Josh by the arms. “WHAT THE HELL!” he screamed.
“Don’t fight ’em Josh. They are going to take you somewhere you can relax and get some help.” She said.
“No, Wait, you don’t understand!” He protested.
The two men dragged him into the back of the van, locked the doors and got in the truck. They waived to Michelle and started the car.
“Michelle!” He said.
“You’ll be o.k.” She said.
“Listen to me! I brought a ticket, The lotto! I won! I swear, I had the winning ticket! I lost it!”
The truck begin to pull away.
“All i remember is that i bought it at the liquor store, got the ticket and change and stuffed em in my wallet and went home and got drunk….” A look of utter shock filled Josh’s face. “Wallet,” he whispered to himself. Then screamed “Hold up! Stop the Van!. FUCK, It’s in my wallet! I forgot to check my wallet! STOP THE VAN! It’s in my Wallet, I left it on the night stand! Michelle, STOP THE VAN! I’m not crazy! You hear me?, I’M NOT CRAZY!”
Michelle read the word on the back of the white van as it drove around the corner. “Spring Grove Mental Institution.” She worked there as an administration assistant. One of the perks of the job is that if you, or a immediate family member, suffers a mental breakdown, you can get 3 days 2 night stay, for free. You would be surprised how often the employees took advantage of the program.
She figured Josh was stoned out of his mind, so far gone, him thinking he had won the lotto, Ha! He might be better in a day or too…. But just to be sure, she headed back into the house to have a peak into his wallet.Share