Crazy Insane or Insane Crazy.

Alright, I’ll admit that I’ve been in a messed up in the head for awhile now. I just assume that the world sucks and nobody is really really happy. Things don’t go the way hope or life just kicks your ass or maybe sometimes people just get depressed for no reason. It’s normal, suck it up, don’t be a whiny bastard, and continue on. That’s what you’re supposed to do (I think). The question is, what happens when things don’t get better on their own? I guess you either except the fact that you’re fucked up and live with it, get some kind of help, or…. what are you waiting for just kill yourself. (just kidding, don’t do that.)

Dealing with it.

Sometimes it works I guess. I suppose I went a good year before most people noticed. I started to hear people ask me if everything was alright, or how I was doing, or if I wanted to talk. Seriously though, I didn’t know it was showing through. I guess you can work through most problems by keeping things to yourself. I’m talking about the kind of depression a person feels after a break up or a pet or friend dying. After awhile, things get better.

But you tried that, and they don’t get better.

Professional Counseling?

My opinion: Fuck that. I will admit I am bitter about counseling because I’ve tried it before at the suggestion of a few people. I’m not going to go into details, but I was afraid that something had happened and I wanted to prevent it from happening again, only to find out, the thing i was worried about had not happened before but it seemed that because of the counseling, it ultimately did. If that makes sense.

I think a good friend, someone you can talk to about anything without having them judge you or you having to worry about them repeating what you said is far more valuable than a paid psychiatrist. Think about it, a psychiatrist does not give a shit about you, to them, you are simply just an hours wage. But, consider the only other experience I have in regards to counseling is watching Tony’s sessions with Dr. Malfoy on The Sopranos.

But now it’s gotten to a point where you don’t even know what the hell the problem was in the first place. So you see the damn commercials where a happy little animated rabbit is jumping around. Sounds good right? No, fuck that too. I never was that peppy and it does not appeal to me at all. I just want to be able to take care of my family like I’m supposed to, live a good life, have a few good friends, a good job, and enjoy it. What else can someone possibly do to get back to that.

Fess Up, and take the damn pills.

I seriously have a problem with the way mood altering prescription drugs are marketed. I always thought that no matter how bad I felt I would never take some of that shit. It might all stem from a conspiracy theory I have, that the Pharmaceutical Companies sell drugs that will only make you worse in the long run. For example, if you take an over the counter headache pill, yes your headache goes away but your next headache is so much worse you take more head ache medicine until ultimately you are stuck taking a prescription migraine pill daily. You never know.

Anyhow, If you take a look at this list of side effects:

Nausea, vomiting, vertigo, loss of sex drive, inability to reach orgasm (might be a good thing for some guys, lol) , muscle spasms, night sweats, blurred vision decreased motor skills, ringing ears, weight fluctuation, dry mouth, constipation, grinding teeth, pupal dilated, extremely hard to stop taking, some cases worse depression and suicidal thoughts, and much more.

But on the flip side there is this:

Upon start up: vivid & almost hallucinogenic dreams that drew the line between reality and fantasy, i.e, I felt I was in my waking life watching everything. Kind of like lucid dreaming. Sometimes they were quite entertaining. Other times they were absolutely terrifying.

A lot of people mentioned the dream like state and the hallucinations. A few actually said they felt better after taking this drug like 1 in 10 though. Reviews care of

The Drug is called Effexor XR. Some doctor just give me a months supply. If anything, this should lead to some good blogging. I just took the first pill today, here’s to a happy life, and if I’m lucky, some good trips. I’ll let you guys know how it goes.



  1. Frankie  September 22, 2007

    Kris, you do not know me, and probably do not care but I can try and help since I am bored.
    First off if anything I says upsets you in any way, you can try and get an appology from me…which will not happen, I don’t believe in such things, I hate humanity and distrust it.
    A misanthrope is what I am.

    You said “I guess you either except the fact that you’re fucked up and live with it, get some kind of help, or…. what are you waiting for just kill yourself.”
    You were kidding but the fact is don’t kid.
    I have spoke to people for the sole purpose to learn more about the human mind(I research a lot).
    I have crushed there spirits completely made people cry, and made people want to kill themself for one sole purpose…to tell them the truth and the truth is…

    “We are not special little flowers, we are not elegant princes and princess’s, we are not beautiful souls. We are not the idiotic names we give each other, we are not “Gods Little Angels”, we are not our money.
    We are not our foolish ideals, we are all miserable worthless pieces of crap, and we all have to live with that.” My own quote.

    Alas, people do not understand me when I say this, so I tell them you have three options, find a friend, talk to them.
    Shut up and move on, cause no one really cares.
    Or kill yourself, cause when you’re dead, you’re dead, but then you would be weak right?
    So if you don’t want to be weak you have the other two options.

    Anyway Kris, if you need someone to talk to I could speak to you, I am very smart, I am a student counselor at my school, not that I care about all the kids, but it helps with my research.
    No matter how crappy you feel, someone is worse, always will be.
    Anyway…I got to go if you need someone to speak to I am always around, you know my email…savy?
    Cheers Matie!


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