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	<title>Stealth Fiction &#187; Games</title>
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		<title>Crazy Cricket</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/crazy-cricket/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/crazy-cricket/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 21 May 2009 21:36:59 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Home]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Life]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/?p=487</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Aaron got a lot of cash for his birthday and asked if we could by him a lizard. We ended up getting a very tiny baby Bearded Dragon. After much discussion, we decided to name him &#8216;Drake&#8217;. Aaron quickly became bored with him, which automatically transferred ownership to me as Robin refuses to do much [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Aaron got a lot of cash for his birthday and asked if we could by him a lizard. We ended up getting a very tiny baby Bearded Dragon. After much discussion, we decided to name him &#8216;Drake&#8217;. Aaron quickly became bored with him, which automatically transferred ownership to me as Robin refuses to do much with it other than saying &#8220;Hi, lizard, lizard, lizard.&#8221; Drake quickly grew, and so did his appetite for his favorite food: Crickets.</p>
<p>To feed Drake, we usually go and buy 100 or so crickets at petsmart or somewhere similar. We keep them in a small &#8216;critter keeper&#8217; and feed them to Drake a few at a time. When we first started with crickets, we would just dump the whole bag in Drake&#8217;s aquarium but that doesn&#8217;t work out so well because after he eats his fill, he just sits there while they just crawl all over his head. It&#8217;s very creepy.</p>
<p>So, on the last batch we got, I was dumping the last of the crickets into Drakes cage. A few hours later I notice that somehow one cricket still remained in the critter keeper. I figure he must have been holding on to a piece of the egg carton that was in the small cage and did not come out while I shook it. So I fought with it trying to get it to come out into Drake&#8217;s cage and eventually it did.</p>
<p>A few days later all the crickets were gone. I took out Drakes bowl and went to sink to wash it out. To my surprise 3 crickets fell into the sink from the hollow underside of the bowl. I considered trying to round them up but I decided to just rinse them down the drain, while filling the water. All 3 eventually went down.</p>
<p>I came back to the kitchen to make some iced tea and I hear the &#8216;chirping&#8217; sound from the sink. Sure enough one of those somehow managed to make their way back up. I ran the water on high and the little bastard is hoping around like mad trying to avoid the water, finally he loses his grip and is swept down the pipe again.</p>
<p>Later on I hear it again, and there is the same bastard cricket back in the sink. WTF? What I noticed was that one of his &#8220;wings&#8221;(?) was broken and discolored  not flush with the rest of his body. Sure, crickets all look the same, but this stood out like a sore thumb and thinking back, I am 99% sure this was the same cricket that avoided going into drakes cage the first time, when I thought I had fully emptied the critter keeper.</p>
<p>So I reach in the sink and manage to scoop him up but he escaped my hand and landed on the floor. I thought, this little guy has escaped death 4 times. (hiding in the container, getting under the water bowl, climbing out of the sink drain twice.) Fine, you win, go about your marry way and live a happy cricketty life.</p>
<p>A day or two later and I&#8217;m hearing the annoying chirp-chirp coming from the kitchen, more precisely, from behind the refrigerator. I assumed it would stop, but 2 hours later he&#8217;s still going at it, so I go in there and shake the refrigerator to try and shut it up. It did. For about 2 minutes.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m going a bit nut&#8217;s hearing it, here we have this lucky ass cricket that I allowed to escape, and he&#8217;s mocking me. I crack. I go in the kitchen and pull out the damn refrigerator. I go to grab him and he jumps right at the last second. I try several times to get him and finally pin him in the corner and scoop him up with my hand.</p>
<p>I was all like, you stupid cricket and he was all like Cricket-Cricket.</p>
<p>Now I&#8217;m back at Drakes aquarium, which happens to reside on top of Bear&#8217;s cage (our dog). Problem is, the aquarium takes 2 hands to open. So I drop him into the empty keeper, just so I can open the top of Drake&#8217;s aquarium. It took him all of .2 seconds to jump back out. I tried to grab him and he jumped behind bears cage (DAMN IT!). So now I got to move the dogs cage to get this little shit.</p>
<p>I finally do.</p>
<p>I throw him in the aquarium. Good riddance.</p>
<p>Problem was it was after 10 pm, and Drake was asleep, so what did our little friend do, continue to chirp all night, that&#8217;s what.</p>
<p>The next morning I wake up and and relieved to see a cricket free cage. I thanked my lizard for his service and walked away. Then I stopped and turned around instead. This cricket has proved to be a formidable foe. I removed all of Drake&#8217;s toys one by one, examining each one closely to ensure no cricket was hiding. Eventually we got down to 2 things in the aquarium: Drake and the water dish.</p>
<p>I slowly lift up the dish, and guess what&#8230;. Yep. There he was. I shook him off and removed the bowl.</p>
<p>Drake Vs. Last Cricket.</p>
<p>Drake immediately sees him and pounces. The cricket, jumped. Drake ended up with a mouthful of bedding and the cricket landed behind him. ( He doesn&#8217;t mss often) Drake swings around and tries again, the cricket jumped again. I don&#8217;t know if I&#8217;ve ever seen him miss twice on the same piece of food.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m thinking, fine&#8230; I&#8217;ll reach in grab him, take him out doors and let him go. You win cricket, you hear me? You win.</p>
<p>As I&#8217;m reaching in the cage. Drake ate him.</p>
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		<item>
		<title>I want to be King</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/i-want-to-be-king/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/i-want-to-be-king/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 15 Nov 2006 00:46:08 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[360]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/i-want-to-be-king/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[How great would it be to dress up like the burger king and go around surprising unsuspecting people with a BK value meal. On November 19th you&#8217;ll be able to. The King is coming out for Xbox and Xbox 360 game consoles. The 3 games are going to sell for a mere $3.99 at participating [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>How great would it be to dress up like the burger king and go around surprising unsuspecting people with a BK value meal. On November 19th you&#8217;ll be able to. The King is coming out for Xbox and Xbox 360 game consoles. The 3 games are going to sell for a mere $3.99 at participating Burger Kings around the country.</p>
<p>&#8216;Sneak King&#8217; seems like it&#8217;s going to be the most fun. Watch the trailer below.</p>
<p><!--yt_video-->o_FUPvuOv9g<!--/yt_video--></p>
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		<title>Wii</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/wii/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/wii/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Fri, 20 Oct 2006 02:41:57 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[wii]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/wii/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The other day Robin, Aaron, and I stopped into game stop to pre-order the new Nintendo Wii. I still can&#8217;t get over the name, Wii&#8230; as in We, but could be Weeeeeeee. (more on that later) &#8216;Revolution&#8217; would have made a much better name, but no, Nintendo had to be difficult.


So anyway&#8230; Wii, err I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>The other day Robin, Aaron, and I stopped into game stop to pre-order the new Nintendo Wii. I still can&#8217;t get over the name, Wii&#8230; as in We, but could be Weeeeeeee. (more on that later) &#8216;Revolution&#8217; would have made a much better name, but no, Nintendo had to be difficult.</p>
<p><img src="http://regmedia.co.uk/2006/07/13/nintendo_wii_1.jpg" alt="Wii" /><br />
<span id="more-215"></span><br />
So anyway&#8230; Wii, err I mean We, were about 16th in line. Not so bad. Hopefully they get enough in on launch day to fill the order. If not I&#8217;m sure it wont be long of a wait considering Nintendo is launching with excess of a million units.</p>
<p>I&#8217;m pretty impressed by what I&#8217;ve seem so far of the system and how the controller operates by moving you hands instead of simply mashing on a button. This will mark only the 3rd Nintendo console I have bought. The N.e.s. and the N64. I skipped on the SNES because I was a sega kid. I skipped on the game cube because, well, that was just plain stupid in my eyes.</p>
<p>Wii, Damn it, We.. pre-ordered  the New Zelda game as well. I&#8217;m hoping the game will be something Aaron can play with and get used to. He&#8217;s 4 and it&#8217;s not like the old days of having a 4 direction D pad and two action buttons. Gaming got complicated. The Wii is advanced but at the same time seems to have simplified gaming. I guess we&#8217;ll have to wait until 11.19.2006 to find out.</p>
<p>While at game stop I couldn&#8217;t resist buying a DS lite. I never had bought a hand held before and I had purposely avoided doing much research on them to see whether it would be worth it. I can tell you now. The DS lite is wonderful. Aaron learned how to use the touch screen and the basic controls in less than a day. With the wireless capabilities I&#8217;m sure it will prove useful while playing Wii games, perhaps as a controller? Or maybe, DS games, can be beamed to the Wii so we can view them on our Televisions. Even Robin has been having fun with the DS. If you&#8217;re getting the Wii, get a DS while you&#8217;re at it. It&#8217;s well worth the small $119.00 price tag.</p>
<p>To celebrate the Wii pre-order, I dedicate a video to the Wii.</p>
<p><!--yt_video-->6A0p-U1LBbQ<!--/yt_video--></p>
<p>Admit it, you liked the video.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Pocket Aces</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/pocket-aces/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/pocket-aces/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 07 Sep 2006 04:25:34 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poker]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/pocket-aces/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[A few weeks back, I met my friend Hooper up in Atlantic City. I really didn&#8217;t feel like playing much but I wanted to be there so that if hooper won some money, I could stop him before he gambled it back to them.
A poker tournament was going to begin later that night. I figured [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>A few weeks back, I met my friend Hooper up in Atlantic City. I really didn&#8217;t feel like playing much but I wanted to be there so that if hooper won some money, I could stop him before he gambled it back to them.</p>
<p>A poker tournament was going to begin later that night. I figured I would check it out becuase I had not had the chance to play in an AC &#8216;turney&#8217;  before. The turn out was over 200 hundred players.</p>
<p>It was about 1/4 of the way through when I look down and see AA.<br />
<span id="more-200"></span><br />
<img align="left" alt="ace.jpg" src="http://stealthfiction.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/ace.jpg" /></p>
<p>Here&#8217;s how the hand played out (the best I can remember)&#8230;.</p>
<p>A few people try to limp in just calling the Big Blind. I was about in middle position, so  I raised the standard 3X big blind raise. I didn&#8217;t just want to limp, and I also didn&#8217;t want to scare everyone else out of the pot.</p>
<p>The next few people folded, the Big blind guy calls and unfortunately everyone else folded after him. Still making the raise was the right move. Here is why:</p>
<p>The flop comes up J-J-J. He is first act and he checks.</p>
<p>Now, I have a choice to make. This is a situation I haven&#8217;t been in before and I need to figure out how to get the most chips from this guy. Most people would fold if you bet after a flop like that because they would have to put you on a pair. A bet would mean no money.</p>
<p>I also need to find out if he has a pair, so I reach for my chips and then I stop, look at the guy, hesitate, and then just check.</p>
<p>The turn is a 4. Putting a flush possibility out there.</p>
<p>He quickly and nonchalantly checked to me.</p>
<p>Now, If i check, no money is being put in the pot. If I make the &#8216;right&#8217; bet of 1/2- 1/3 the pot, I&#8217;m pretty sure he would fold if he had nothing, or even fold with a low pair, putting me again on a high pair.</p>
<p>What I decided to do was to go fishing. I just grabbed some chips, not even sure how many was there and tossed them forward. It looked to be close to the amount of the pot. I had the look of someone oblivious as to how to play on my face.</p>
<p>The guy said something like &#8216;What the hell? you bet that on a 4, It&#8217;s just a four!&#8217; I just looked like I didn&#8217;t know what was going on, conceding to the guy, the bet was bad.</p>
<p>He called my outrageous bet.</p>
<p>I have to admit, when he called, I thought I was being out played by him. I thought he had the 4th Jack and was putting on a show trying to get me to bite. It was much more likely that he had a pretty decent pair in his hand, higher than a pair of fours, something between pocket 10&#8217;s and pocket kings.</p>
<p>The river comes up.  I wasn&#8217;t paying attention to what the card was because, regardless of what came out, I knew what my next move was going to be. (I think it was between a 6-9, no flush draw)</p>
<p>I counted to 3 after the last card fell, and I announced: &#8220;I&#8217;m all in!&#8221; Not waiting for him to bet or check.</p>
<p>The guy said something that sounded like &#8220;excuss me?!&#8221;</p>
<p>The dealer informs me, it wasn&#8217;t my turn to act. The rest of the table are shaking their heads, mentally calling me a moron for playing like a jack ass.</p>
<p>I, looking embarrassed, mumble something like, &#8220;oh, uhhh, I thought he checked&#8221; and go to try to pull my stack back.</p>
<p>The dealer points at the guy and he says: &#8220;wait a minute!&#8221;, shaking his head and laughing, He said, &#8220;No, no, no&#8230; I&#8217;ll call that bet.. all in you said? I&#8217;ll Call!&#8221;</p>
<p>He pushed his chips all in, thinking that I was just trying to buy out a pot as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>I flip over my Aces and his jaw dropped. I knocked him out of the game. He was pissed.</p>
<p>I received complements from the other players, who up until that point, scorned any and every move I made at the table.</p>
<p>I tried to hold back my grin as I racked in his chips. I offered no apologies, but I was sorry the guy was so pissed. I shook his hand when he walked away.</p>
<p>Turns out, he didn&#8217;t even have a pair. Just K-Q suited. If i had played the aces any other way he would have folded, I&#8217;m sure. Thanks to the theatrics, he was willing to bet everything that his K was way better than anything I could have possibly had.</p>
<p>So when that situation happens to you, Give it a try and see if you get the same results.</p>
<p>(I was knocked out about 30 minutes later, when I was dealt Pocket Kings, and Instead of a raising like I should I limped in. the flop comes, everyone checks to me, I made a small bet hoping to get the pot up some. i get 2 callers. The turn makes a flush draw and a possible straight.  I thought the time had come so I pushed, only to get a re-raise, and then go all in and get called. I should have made a bigger bet on the flop when there was already a straight possibility, but I was greedy and didn&#8217;t notice it until the turn, which by that time I bet big thinking he was on a draw and pushed all in thinking he had a straight and a flush draw, when in fact he had caught his gut shot straight on the turn and I was drawing dead&#8230; better luck next time.)</p>
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		<title>PKR Open Beta</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/pkr-open-beta/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/pkr-open-beta/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 06 Jul 2006 23:11:32 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poker]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/pkr-open-beta/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[PKR, Next gen online poker room promises a fun and exciting 3d poker experiance. software is avalible now for free beta testing. 
read more&#160;&#124;&#160;digg story
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>PKR, Next gen online poker room promises a fun and exciting 3d poker experiance. software is avalible now for free beta testing. </p>
<p><a href="http://www.pkr.com">read more</a>&nbsp;|&nbsp;<a href="http://digg.com/playable_web_games/PKR_Open_Beta">digg story</a></p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>750 GP</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/750-gp/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/750-gp/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 30 May 2006 13:19:48 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blurbs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[360]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/750-gp/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Borrowed a basketball game from Sgt. Ruff. ed and I played a single match and we unlocked 3 out of 4 Achievements and 750 points. That was way to easy. I&#8217;m glad I didn&#8217;t buy that game.
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Borrowed a basketball game from Sgt. Ruff. ed and I played a single match and we unlocked 3 out of 4 Achievements and 750 points. That was way to easy. I&#8217;m glad I didn&#8217;t buy that game.</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<title>Secret Mission</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/secret-mission/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/secret-mission/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 25 May 2006 01:00:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[360]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Comedy]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/secret-mission/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[The Mission:
Last week I received an unexpected call from an agent who&#8217;s identity shall remain known only to me. He stated that the previously planned operation was a go. This mission had been initially discussed some months back and I had honestly forgotten about it. apparently all the details have all been worked out. His [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><strong>The Mission:<img align="right" alt="Spy" src="http://static.flickr.com/44/152846432_10ee9c275f.jpg" /></strong></p>
<p>Last week I received an unexpected call from an agent who&#8217;s identity shall remain known only to me. He stated that the previously planned operation was a go. This mission had been initially discussed some months back and I had honestly forgotten about it. apparently all the details have all been worked out. His contact, a double agent employed by the enemy. working in the front lines. the two set up the time. all I had to do was show up.</p>
<p><span id="more-163"></span></p>
<p>I arrive late as part of my cover. being on time would be too suspicious, trust me. after verifying our communications and location have not been compromised, I passed off the operation funds in a white envelope to my agent. Payment upon delivery is standard procedure, however, this agent required working capitol to successfully complete the transaction.</p>
<p>The plan was simple. wait, at a predetermined destination in this case it was an eating establishment. Taco bell. Taco bell fucking rocks by the way and I&#8217;ll go there any chance I get since the one around our way closed down. Patiently wait, and eat those awesome steak baha chalupas, with a diet coke, of course. maintaining an audible and visual lookout for reasons to abort and if possible alert my agent through subtle means. Suppose the situation changed and the mission fail? or supose he was captured by enemy forces? In that case, I would basically say fuck my agent and quietly leave. In these situations I retain 100% deniability. A small monitory loss is of little consequence.</p>
<p>The mission was a success. We met at the before mentioned location and from there we made evasion maneuvers out of the hostel territory.  I was handed my package and in return handed him his compensation in small unmarked bills.</p>
<p>I smiled as I opened up the package. I now had the required software for the most advanced hardware system in it&#8217;s class. I now have everything I needed, enabling me to continue the fight in tropical, and other locations or battlefields throughout the world, with an unbelievable amount of firepower, against terrorist and foreign powers, and unknown foes who&#8217;s existence and power could be debated, and uh&#8230; maybe even search for lost artifacts&#8230;</p>
<p><strong>Post Mission Report:<br />
</strong><br />
What the hell am I fucking talking about!? Xbox 360 man. Or more to the point Xbox 360 Games.  Fuck Paying $49-$59 for a damn game. Mod alternatives have yet to be released.. Fuck eBay. what&#8217;s the alternative? All I&#8217;m going to say is, I handed someone a small amount of money and that action set off a chain of events that basically led me to receive a package of 5 brand new un-opened Xbox 360 games. N.F.Q.A. (No Fucking Questions Asked) for roughly $12 a game. After which I &#8216;tipped&#8217; the person whom helped me with this and headed home to play said games.</p>
<p>The new ones in my collection are: Far cry, Battlefield 2, Final Fantasy Online, X-men 3, and Tomb Raider. If the paragraph above the post mission report doesn&#8217;t make sense, re-read it now that you know what I was talking about.</p>
<p>I don&#8217;t know when this &#8216;mission&#8217; can be done again, if ever. but for those of you who were asking, I&#8217;m working on it. Have some patience, You gawd damn vultures. ha.</p>
<blockquote><p>EDIT: Last week I was a piarte (see Irish Pirate), this week a spy. who know&#8217;s what&#8217;s next&#8230; stay tuned</p></blockquote>
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		<title>Irish Pirate</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/irish-pirate/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/irish-pirate/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 11 May 2006 09:35:35 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Non-Fiction]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Comedy]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poker]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/irish-pirate/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[For the record, I only planned on going to a friendly game of poker and not the excessive amounts alcohol and the drunken stupidity that transformed me from a lowly unemployed airman of Irish heritage living in Dover DE. to an Irish pirate sailing in unfamiliar waters with only the bare necessities while being chased [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<blockquote><p>For the record, I only planned on going to a friendly game of poker and not the excessive amounts alcohol and the drunken stupidity that transformed me from a lowly unemployed airman of Irish heritage living in Dover DE. to an Irish pirate sailing in unfamiliar waters with only the bare necessities while being chased by another pirate ship intent on sinking our vessel and taking our much desired cargo&#8230;.</p></blockquote>
<p><strong>The Facts:</p>
<p></strong> Somehow I became and Irish Pirate last night. Before I explain, let&#8217;s go over a few points about why pirates rock.</p>
<p><span id="more-162"></span></p>
<ul>
<li>Pirates say cool shit like &#8220;ARRRR!&#8221;</li>
<li>Pirates make people walk the plank.</li>
<li>Pirates wear eye patches and have Hooks for hands.</li>
<li>Pirates drink massive amount of alcohol.</li>
<li>Pirates have cool names.</li>
<li>Pirates pillage and plunder.</li>
<li>Pirates download music illegally.</li>
<li>Chicks Love Pirates.</li>
</ul>
<p>Now let&#8217;s take a look at some points on why the Irish are so damn cool.</p>
<ul>
<li>The color green.</li>
<li>Irish pubs.</li>
<li>leprechauns.</li>
<li>Guinness Beer.</li>
<li>4 leaf clovers.</li>
<li>Irish car bombs.</li>
<li>Cool accents.</li>
<li>Chicks love Irish dudes.</li>
</ul>
<p>
<strong>The Poker Game:</strong></p>
<p>The invitation came from Rob, poker at his house. after obtaining permission from my wife Robin, I excepted. it was the first time going to one of his games. 5 Players, Rob, Shaun, Adam, Terra, Myself. The game: .10/.20 blinds, $10.00 buy in, No-limit with re buys. I got there at around 8:00. Shaun and rob had been drinking for a few hours. The other 2 players, Adam and his wife had not yet arrived. </p>
<p>Started things off drinking Miller Light while watching Rob and Shaun play Mario cart with a few guys that I don&#8217;t recall actually meeting. When the other players got there we started the game. The early game was pretty uneventful, it seemed we we&#8217;re just trading stacks back and forth. at one point Rob busted out and did a re buy. shortly after he doubled up and cashed his re buy back out.  </p>
<p>I wasn&#8217;t drinking that much because I was planning on an early night. Then out came the vodka and O.J.  Shaun, Adam, Tera were still drinking beer. Rob poured a few screwdrivers for us to knock back. Everyone playing was a smoker, which meant multiple smoke breaks out on the porch. Some topics discussed were: Soco the cat and how she was a whore, work, what exactly a french Canadian is (I still don&#8217;t understand that shit) and why the Irish are better, etc.</p>
<p>Back at the game, everyone is getting louder and having a good time. there are two guys still playing Mario cart and at one point I look over to the T.V. and see a giant black sperm pulling a cart. Wtf? someone told me it was a &#8220;big ball and chain&#8221; those who remember anything about Mario might remember those so, o.k. whatever. </p>
<p>I call robin, It&#8217;s about 10:45, I tell her I&#8217;m going to play for awhile longer and then I&#8217;ll be heading home. She says Fine. Moments later I realize  the bottle of vodka Rob and I we&#8217;re drinking was empty and a huge bottle of cherry vodka was sitting on the table. I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;m leaving anytime soon after all. .</p>
<p>Adam and his wife leave due to work in the morning. We cash them out and continue to play and play badly. more shots and more beers. I grabbed my phone and snapped a few pictures.</p>
<p><strong>The Pirates:</strong></p>
<p>At some point, everyone else clears out of the house. the game gets boring. We drink more shots and have a few more beers. after they take a smoke break they start talking about boating.there is a huge lake behind the apartment complex and Rob&#8217;s telling us about a few rafts he has. the time is roughly 1:20 in the morning. they decide the best course of action is to abandon the game, blow up the rafts, and go out in the lake. still thinking they are kidding I mimic a pirate voice, and finish off my beer.</p>
<p>My judgment must have been fucked, for they were not kidding, because the next thing I know rob has 3 un-inflated life rafts, 1 pump, 6 paddles, 1 cooler of beer, and 1 bag of &#8216;Cool Ranch Doritos&#8217;</p>
<p>&#8220;let&#8217;s fucking go!&#8221;, Rob says.</p>
<p>I was thinking, Shit they are going to drown, all the while I&#8217;m gathering my things to go home.</p>
<p>&#8220;your fucking going with us Mallory, can&#8217;t pussy out on us now, YEAH!!!&#8221;, Shaun says.</p>
<p>&#8220;fuck me&#8221; I say, &#8220;were ALL going to fucking drown&#8221;</p>
<p>Shaun kept talking about &#8216;ramming us over and over&#8217;  and  battleships he is a some kind of broke back mountain/ navy fan boy. after asking him to keep the gayness to a minimal we gather up the gear and head down to the doc.</p>
<p>A sign reads &#8216;No Swimming&#8217;  Shaun starts laughing. he says &#8220;I hope the boats don&#8217;t sink cause it looks like we are NOT aloud to swim!&#8221;</p>
<p>After a second I got the joke and laughed with him, but then I stopped because in a moment of clarity I realized how stupid of an idea this was and there is a good chance we will all end up trying to swim to shore. I dip my hand into the water. it was about 1 degree warmer than ICE FUCKING COLD. Oh well, lets go sailing ARRRRRR!!.</p>
<p>They had the boats ready to blow up, the first one, a single man boat went pretty fast with Shaun on the hand pump. After it was fully inflated he handed me the pump and we began getting the next boat ready.</p>
<p>This boat was the 3 man, after about 1 minute of using the hand pump I was getting tired ( it&#8217;s a big fucking raft) so I pump faster while screaming out sexually explicit things and breathing heavily. That lasted about 10 seconds and then I heard a something that sounded like a branch breaking and felt a slight &#8216;pop&#8217; inside the pump. It stopped working.</p>
<p>&#8220;What the fuck! pump&#8217;s busted&#8221;<br />
&#8220;shit&#8221;<br />
&#8220;oh well lets blow it up manually&#8221;</p>
<p>Rob started taking deep breaths and blowing up the raft. Shaun is asking about a Vacuum cleaner. I thinking Rob is going to pass out and Shaun has lost it. somehow he actually manages to get the thing inflated. they decide to forget the third boat and just take the two. seeing how blowing up that one almost killed him I agreed.</p>
<p>I wanted to call the single man raft but Shaun had beat me too it. They toss the rafts in the water and we all jump in. It didn&#8217;t sink, so far so good. Shouting shit with a pirate accent  and calling each other scurvy dogs we start paddling. Rob and I pop open a few beers and begin rowing out to the fucking center of the lake. looking back we see Shaun in his boat going in circles.</p>
<p>&#8220;What the fuck are you doing!&#8221;<br />
&#8220;I lost a paddle&#8221;<br />
&#8220;ha ha ha&#8230;.ARRRR&#8221;</p>
<p>we went back to where he was stuck, no paddle in sight. I give Shaun one of mine because rob was a lot better at this and he was rowing. we begin out. rob makes it near the middle and i pop open a beer. I down about half of it. Chilling out in the lake eating Doritos. good times. but where was Shaun?</p>
<p>Looking back yet again, Shaun is going in a circle about 1/3 away from shore. he says &#8220;fuck! I  broke this paddle!&#8221; That&#8217;s 2 of them now. not having much room I set my half drunk beer in the water in a way that it would float,  so I could grab the other ore to give to Shaun. once i managed to get it, I reached over to grab my beer but it was gone.</p>
<p>we start to row back to where Shaun is and rob says &#8220;ha ha A fucking beer is floating in the water!&#8221; &#8220;shit that&#8217;s mine, get it!&#8221; he grabbed it and handed it to me. woot. We get back to Shaun and I hand him my last paddle and I think we are finally ready to go. we make it a few feet ahead of him and that&#8217;s about when I look over and see him trying to stand up in his raft and then tries to pee over the edge. the fucking boat was rocking and damn near capsized. he almost fell out. we we&#8217;re rowing as fast as we could to get to him just in case. it was close. but all he managed to do was piss all over his boat and I&#8217;m guessing himself.</p>
<p>Having drank 2 1/2 beers, eaten a half bag of chips, attempted a rescue at sea, broke one pump and lost 2 ores It was time to call it a night. the time was around 2:45 Shit. Robin was going to be pissed, but at least I was still dry.</p>
<p>Pulling up to the dock Rob tries to push himself up and out, bad idea. we took on a flood of the Ice Fucking Cold water. Fuck. he gets out. I manage to get out. my ass is soaked.  I tell them I have to go if I want to live to see the next day. yes, my wife would kill me if I didn&#8217;t come home. They started pulling up the rafts when one of them said &#8221; let&#8217;s fucking go back out&#8221; to which the other replied &#8220;hell yeah!&#8221;  good luck to them. No offense but I wouldn&#8217;t want to be the one sharing the raft with Shaun.</p>
<p>I head back to Rob&#8217;s to grab my stuff. I&#8217;m guessing they did head back out. I called robin, it was just shy of 3 AM, and I had about 12 missed calls from her. Fuck me. She basically told me to get my wet ass home, which I did.</p>
<p><strong>The Memorial Service:</strong></p>
<p>As for Rob and Shaun, well, I haven&#8217;t hard from them since I left and in all likely hood they capsized, listened to the posted sign about Not swimming and therefor were lost at sea.</p>
<p>Here are the pictures from the poker game in remembrance of these two pirates, whom where brave, yet were not Irish&#8230;. or maybe they were. whatever.</p>
<p>[fa:p:t=poker,id=144422846,j=l,s=s,l=p]<br />
[fa:p:t=poker,id=144415967,j=l,s=s,l=p]<br />
[fa:p:t=poker,id=144415661,j=l,s=s,l=p]<br />
[fa:p:t=poker,id=144421562,j=l,s=s,l=p]</p>
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		<title>Xbox 360 gamer card</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/xbox-360-gamer-card/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/xbox-360-gamer-card/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Sun, 30 Apr 2006 22:52:56 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Blurbs]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[360]]></category>

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		<description><![CDATA[Xbox 360 gamer card:
Click here to view my gamer card
the site can&#8217;t validate Iframes so it looks like I&#8217;m stuck with a link
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Xbox 360 gamer card:</p>
<p><a href="http://gamercard.xbox.com/kris kaos.card">Click here to view my gamer card</a></p>
<p>the site can&#8217;t validate Iframes so it looks like I&#8217;m stuck with a link</p>
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		<title>Poker Update .1</title>
		<link>http://stealthfiction.com/poker-update-1/</link>
		<comments>http://stealthfiction.com/poker-update-1/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 22 Feb 2006 14:23:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kris Mallory</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Games]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[poker]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://stealthfiction.com/poker-update-1/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Like everything else I do. It&#8217;s easier for me to do better and not loose interest when I write about it. So I&#8217;m going to be doing some Poker Blogs to keep me busy. track my bank roll. Etc. So first lets go back and see whats happened up until now.
2 weeks ago&#8230;.
Hooper and I [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Like everything else I do. It&#8217;s easier for me to do better and not loose interest when I write about it. So I&#8217;m going to be doing some Poker Blogs to keep me busy. track my bank roll. Etc. So first lets go back and see whats happened up until now.</p>
<p><span style="font-style: italic" /><span style="color: #000000" /><span style="font-weight: bold">2 weeks ago&#8230;.</span><br />
Hooper and I took a trip to Atlantic City.  Our Goal? Texas Hold&#8217;em. We both did ok for our first time in a Live non game. made a few hundred ech. I cheated and caught a big hand on the 3 card poker game. wasn&#8217;t complaining. (I think I&#8217;ll be writing more about this trip on another blog)</p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold" /><span style="font-style: italic">1 week ago&#8230;.</span><br />
Then we went back the followong week. My bank roll was a mere $300. I ended up loosing it, but I successfully played for around 8 hours winning money untill I called a huge bet on the river with a hand I KNEW couldn&#8217;t win anymore.</p>
<p><span id="more-18"></span></p>
<p>Shortly after that my play became loose to try and regain my lost chips. I floped a A high spades flush. bet small. the short stack went all in. I called. he ended up catching a STRAIGHT FLUSH.  it happens.</p>
<p>The very next hand. I caught an open ended straight draw. I pushed in to try and steal the pot but now I was short stacked so I was called. Made the straight on the turn. He made the Flush on the river.</p>
<p>After I busted out I didn&#8217;t feel all that bad, but I want to come back. I want to do better. I don&#8217;t have dreams of winning a world series or anything,  I just want to be consistant.</p>
<p>At home there is only one place to play. Online poker can be nuts, i&#8217;ve turned as little as $50 in to over $1500 just to let it go down the drain with some of my dumb mistakes. It isn&#8217;t exactly the same as a sit down game, it seems flushes, full houses, and straights catch more times then they do in real game.</p>
<p><span style="font-style: italic" /><span style="font-weight: bold">3 Days ago&#8230;.</span><br />
I re-opened my account with Full Tilt. By far the best online game out there. There isn&#8217;t as many players as there is on sites like party poker or poker stars but the software is better IMO, and you can get a chance to play with some pros.<br />
(I actually played with <a target="_blank" href="http://www.chrisferguson.com/">Chris Ferguson</a> a non cash turny table with him last.)</p>
<p>There wasn&#8217;t any cash in the account, but i had some FT points. earned from playing and redeemable to enter turneys. I entered in to a two table game with my points and managed to win a little cash. $5 or $10.</p>
<p>One of the best features I like is the Heads up Turneys. you can buy in from $5 &#8211; $500 to play 1 on 1 for the whole thing. Since I was so short, this seemed to be the best starting point.</p>
<p>I wont bore you with all the details but i mangaed to win 2 $5 heads up, 2 Ten heads up. lost a $10 game, won a $20 game. in between i played some micro limit no hold&#8217;em where the buy in is 4 bucks. people pushed all in because they only had about 6 bucks to loose. had trips on a flop and doubled up.</p>
<p>end of the day I was at just under $65.00</p>
<p><span style="font-weight: bold" /><span style="font-style: italic" /><span style="font-weight: bold">2 days ago&#8230;</span><br />
Research and development.  I know what my big weaknesses are. how to over come them? I actually bought a poker book. well, a book on MP3 through Itunes. Phil Gordon&#8217;s Little green Book. All I can say is: WHY THE HELL DIDN&#8217;T I GET THIS MONTHS AGO! can it be that good? can it make that big a differance? well read on for the answer.</p>
<p>I had the Book playing in Itunes when i started up Full Tilt. First stop, $50 heads up. see if what this guy saying works. I beat him with in 10 minutes. I played another. that game lasted awhile we went back and forth and I caught a hard. a MONSTER hand. Pocket Aces.  I raise. he calls. the flop 10h 7d Ac. ohyeah trip aces. he bets I Raise. he calls. 6s. he checks. I bet. he calls. 4c. I bet again and imidiatly he goes all in. before I would have pushed in to but then I noticed the straight possiblity and the way he was betting was EXACTLY how phil siad should be done to trap someone and kill them. I bit my lip and tossed the Trip Aces.  and he shows me the Straight.  I told him I had trip A&#8217;s. he wouldnt believe me. insisted if i had them I would have called.  well i was down some but not out, I caught a hand just like his and did the same thing. he was pocket KK&#8217;s and pushed all in after i had the nutstraight on the turn. then he went on tilt and kept going all in alot after a raise, preflop. must have been 8 or 9 times. I fept folding and told him to &#8220;keep doing it, lol&#8221;. he didn&#8217;t listen or did, whatever. AQh big blind. he calls. I bet 3x the blind. he jumps all in in a split second. I call him faster then then he went all in. I show my AQ he turns over A8. OWNED.</p>
<p>end of day. around $245.00</p>
<p><span style="font-style: italic" /><span style="font-weight: bold">yesterday&#8230;.</span></p>
<p>more listening to the book. played a few cheap head&#8217;s up $10- and a 1/2 no limit game. got to about $270 and noticed a $10 but in turney. well over 100 players entered. what the hell. Long Long game. played tight. folded the monster hands when I felt the other guy got lucky. made people pay for thier mistakes and draws.</p>
<p>my chip count steadily went up, minus a few small pot setbacks. i wasnt even paying attention to the overall game untill we got down to around 30 players and I realized i had the 2nd highest stack. I pushed that thought out of my head because i didnt want to play wreckless. I just focused on the hand at the time.</p>
<p>it happened fast, I took out 3 players in a hand, and at the 2nd table a guy did the same thing. Boom. game pauses. we go to final 10.</p>
<p>I earned the chip leader position after about 10 minutes and lost 1/3 to a player who took 2 guys out. 8 left.  3 of us had huge stacks and we worked the other 5 out of the game. the stacks go up, down, even. I force a guy all in 3 times! had the best hand but the pot split all 3 times&#8230;lucky bastard.</p>
<p>Im dealt KQspades. I raise. big blind calls. Flop Ah As 6s<br />
I bet into him to test his hand. he only calls. Turn Kh. Ok so i bet and he comes over the top with double my bet. I pause and consider. I have Aces and Kings with top kicker and a Nut Spades Flush draw. he only called me on the flop. was in the big blind too so who knows what he has.</p>
<p>I doubt he had the third ace when he only called&#8230;he could have the heart fhush draw or even better the spades draw. if he had the spades draw. i got him beat. if he had a king. i got him beat. I RERAISE double his raise. he goes all in.</p>
<p>to many outs not to call&#8230; and yup he slow played the aces and knew my hand hand was good enough to try for it.. the River, I missed my flush. Damn good game. 3rd place. I played that hand the best I could. perhaps a higher preflop raise may have had him fold. doubtful though because he was the chip lead at that point. Nice prize but god if only it was a 100 buy in!!</p>
<p>played some more micro no limit limit and a few $20 heads ups. won some, lost some. won more than i lost.</p>
<p>later that night i entered another 10$ turney. over 1000 players this time. I did well, but the players i was with  were tighter and wouldnt give up chips easy. I got a stack upto 17K chips, from the 1500 starting. from them the huge stacks worked me down. I made a play at a big pot against the guy with the 3rd highest stack. he pounded me with an all in bet. I had good cards but we were close to the point where it started paying out winners. so i had to fold.. who knows if he had me i got scared. lost 1/2 the stack. i busted out in 68th place&#8230; so i won money. 2 for 2. luck? or am I just getting better.</p>
<p>played a few more heads up before bed. and i smiled at my bank roll. when i loged off ast night, i was sitting pretty at $812.73. I&#8217;ll keep ya updated.</p>
<p>if you wanna come and play used my code OWNED when you sign up or use the banner on my page and i&#8217;ll give you some of the referal money back.</p>
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