Archives for June, 2008

Payphone

I had a good life.

That sentence is what I’ve been telling myself that now for the past five years. I say it to myself every morning when I wake up, every time I step outside, every time I eat, a thousand other times during the day, and every night before I take a handful of pills to force myself into unconsciousness. It doesn’t end there. I say over and over to myself in the nightmares that haunt me. Rinse and repeat.

The doctors would say it is a self-imposed punishment. Maybe that’s true, but I call it a tribute to the past. What ever it is, it will never be good enough to matter. But really, there is nothing else I can do. I live day after day in a haze just waiting for someone to come and collect the debt I owe.
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For Richer, For Poorer

Started out with nothing but I provided for you,
did what was needed to see that we made it through,
a cold winters night with food on the table,
worked our way up and our life became stable,
never made a million but we had the dream,
the house, two cars, and other materialist things,
the money in the bank to get what we wanted,
we wanted nice things, had the cash, so we’d flaunt it,
even if we didn’t, fuck it, just charge it,
ambition, I’ll admit, can be a dangerous thing,
took a few gambles on that American dream,
and if I had to do it over, I’d do it again,
and look at the ones won, how we drank to success,
until that big loss, like a shot to my chest,
procrastination, I’ll admit, is a personality trait,
took my time planning but it was too little too late,
gun shy, I was, wanted to learn from mistakes,
and by then, life had dropped too much on my plate,
something had to give, it can only stretch ’till it breaks,
then, in your eyes, i began to see hate,
one more step closer to despise, ’cause: “it’s too much take” ?

So, you’re going to leave me now.

Oh, you don’t need me now

This is to my wife, until death do us part.
That’s what you said, right? Or did you leave that part out?
For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse,
I swear, I swear I heard you say those words…
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
but there you go leaving, now that I don’t have wealth.
This is to my wife, until death do us part.
That’s what you said, right? Or did you leave that part out?
For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse,
I swear, I swear I heard you say those words…
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
but there you go leaving, now that I don’t have wealth.

Needed a moment to reflect on the past,
Nothing worth having will ever last,
Last in the list of whats important to you,
Left all alone, not knowing what to do,
Times have been better, lord ain’t that the truth,
weary head is heavier, loosing my youth,
won’t be forever, has to slow to a stop,
and then when it does, I’ll work my way back to the top,
doesn’t matter none if I get knocked back again,
brush myself off, love, and then I fight back to win,
been there before and I’ll be there again,
shouldn’t have to say it, you should understand,
that it would be easier, if you’d never let go of my hand,
but blame is a game that I’ve conceded my loss,
you’re still headed for the door, labeled me a lost cause,
labeled me a lost cause, for the size of my wallet,
forgot where you came from, but you still can’t hide it.

(needs 4 more lines)

So, you’re going to leave me now.

Oh, you don’t need me now
—-
This is to my wife, until death do us part.
That’s what you said, right? Or did you leave that part out?
For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse,
I swear, I swear I heard you say those words…
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
but there you go leaving, now that I don’t have wealth.
This is to my wife, until death do us part.
That’s what you said, right? Or did you leave that part out?
For richer, for poorer, for better, for worse,
I swear, I swear I heard you say those words…
For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,
but there you go leaving, now that I don’t have wealth.