I had a good life.

That sentence is what I've been telling myself that now for the past five years. I say it to myself every morning when I wake up, every time I step outside, every time I eat, a thousand other times during the day, and every night before I take a handful of pills to force myself into unconsciousness. It doesn't end there. I say over and over to myself in the nightmares that haunt me. Rinse and repeat.

The doctors would say it is a self-imposed punishment. Maybe that's true, but I call it a tribute to the past. What ever it is, it will never be good enough to matter. But really, there is nothing else I can do. I live day after day in a haze just waiting for someone to come and collect the debt I owe.
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