Nobody ever told me it was going to be so hard to kill myself. I mean, you always hear about the people who 'attempt' suicide. People take a hand full of pills, and then they pick up the phone and call a friend or the 911 operator. They didn't want to die. Pussies. My first thought, was that it would be so easy. Take the pills then don't call anyone. How hard could it be?
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My mind is racing.
I'm trying to think of the perfect thing to say,
and I'm convinced that it won't be worth hearing,
so I sit in an uncomfortable silence.
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If I am elected president: By Chuck Norris (Written by the real Chuck Norris)

I was wondering the other day, if I ran for president, what would be my campaign promises? I made a list I'm certain can get me elected. If I'm elected president, I will…
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